Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Life Story of A Girl

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Elle.

Kindergarten was filled with bad memories for her. She always had to share her best friend with another girl. When the other girl grabs her best friend away, she will be left all alone, alone to play with herself.

She had a pretty horrible primary school life too because in Primary Five, her best friend left her and went with another girl. So, she lost her best friend and she could only hang out with two other girls who were best friends.

She wrote to her friend, pretending she was someone else. All the comments she got from her friend about herself were negative and hurting. Her best friend hates her.

After PSLE, she finally got out of Primary school and went ahead to Secondary school to start her new life. The first day of school she didn't know anyone in school because she wasn't from the Primary School that was affiliated to the school.

Slowly, she began making friends with her classmates and she soon had her very own friends whom she treated as her really good friends.

However, one fine day, she quarreled with a close friend of hers, and her entire clique of friends left her. She was all alone again, like the first day of school.

No one would have recess with her, no one would talk to her, no one would even bother about her. Elle was always alone. When it was recess time, her friends that fell out with her would stay in class and she had no choice but to head to the canteen to have her bread that she brought from home.

She would sit down on a table to eat her bread, and occasionally look back at the canteen stores just to pretend as if her friend was buying food and will be coming to join her soon. She kept doing this, kept pretending and waiting for 'her friend' who wouldn't come.

And once she finished her bread, she would rush back to class to end her misery.

One day, two days, three days, and a week passed by. With Elle being alone, pretending and waiting.

Every night she would cry herself to sleep because she felt really miserable and depressed. The worst thing was, she was sharing a double decker bed with her brother and she couldn't even cry out loud. All she could do was to hide in her blanket and sob quietly. Every night, she did the same thing, she cried herself to sleep.

Elle was lucky, she survived through the depressing times. She managed to get back her friends, and she wasn't a loner anymore.

From then on, she told herself not to be a loner anymore. She kept trying her best to talk and make people laugh. She always try to entertain others so they will like her. She wants to be the center of attraction because she didn't want the horrible period to haunt her ever again.

She doesn't want to be a loner, not anymore.

She wants to be popular, she wants to have lots of friends, she wants to feel like her life's filled with joy and laughter.

She changed. A lot.

From a quiet and really shy girl, to someone who keeps talking.

Her report book used to be "Elle should talk more and smile more." or "Elle is a really quiet and shy girl."

Not anymore.

She told herself she is never going back to being the quiet and shy girl. She told her she is not going to be a loner. She told herself she is not going to pretend to wait for a friend who isn't ever coming for her. She is not.

She changed her looks so that no one will criticize her ever again, she changed her personality so that she can fit in with the crowd, she changed to a completely different girl. Shaped by the world.

No one understands the pain that she has went through. No one.

You think you understand, you don't. You have never ever been alone, so alone you felt like the sky's crashing on you, so alone that you felt like the whole world is against you, so alone that you felt like you are falling into depression.

It was a pain that you wouldn't understand.

She dislikes it when people leave her alone, because it makes her feel like a loner again. She can't stand it when she doesn't have anything to do, or she is just waiting for something that is so uncertain. It feels like she's waiting, once again, for the imaginary friend.

There are so many things she's afraid of. Phobia of being alone, phobia of losing her friends, phobia of so many things that nobody can or will ever understand unless you're her.

This is the sad life story of her...

No comments: