Tuesday, December 21, 2010

FML

Cried the moment I stepped into the house, no thanks to my mum.

She had to scold me the second I enter the house. Was already damn stressed over money issues and over all the money that I owe Caleb, I was in a totally emo mood.

She scolded me for always being home late, for always playing outside, for always being with Caleb.

She doesn't know a shit. She doesn't know I'm damn fucking stressed over financial issues and since none of my parents are giving me allowance anymore, I had to work damn hard to get the money for my taiwan trip.

No matter how hard I work at Acorn, the money is increasing so slowly, every single day at work I'm counting how much I've earned. I went to get all the Christmas presents for people and now I owe Caleb $318.50, inclusive of the plane ticket to Taiwan. That is how damn broke I am and I have absolutely no money to return him because I've to worry about my expenses in Taiwan for the 9-10 days I'm gonna be there first. Where to get the $600 from?

No allowance, pay jumping so damn slowly, tuition money can only be collected at the end of every month, I fucking wanna die.

And she thinks I wanna stay out all day and never go home. I want to play and never go home. She doesn't know how much I want to come home just to watch my drama, just to do my uncompleted auditing, I want to come home just to relax on the sofa and not think about things.

I wanted so badly to visit my grandmother because I haven't done so for so long. I missed her so badly. And I had absolutely no time until today when I could finally do so after work, before buying all the presents.

She doesn't know I can't go home because there are so many outings, gathering, meetings that I've to go for. There are so many group of friends that have planned outings that I am supposed to go for. I'm supposed to meet up with all of them, stayover with all of them because it's my duty to do so as a friend.

She doesn't know I really want to have a free day, just one free day so that I can come home early just to enjoy life like everyone having holidays.

But it is just impossible. There are gatherings every single day, I can't have a day to myself, solely myself. I am so damn tired of all these, I just want to lock myself and just stone and die. RIght, but if I stone at home and let myself die slowly, where will my income come from? Where can I get the money of food from? Where can I get all the money to return Caleb from?

I wanna be a billionaire so fucking bad. Then there will be one less worry, there will be no more stressing over money, I can stop working and enjoy life and come home early because I'll be able to meet everyone in the afternoon, I'll be free at night.

They don't understand. They don't.

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