Sunday, January 24, 2010

Secrets In Me

Andrew's project for postsecrets set me thinking about secrets in me.

I always thought that it was hard to come up with secrets because I've probably told everyone about everything. But apparently, I came to realise that I'm wrong.

There were things in me that I kept to myself. There were things I did that were really childish and evil but I did it anyway. There were things I wanted to say out but I always didn't because I'm afraid people will change their impressions of me.

I'm going to post a secret today.
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When I was in Primary School, I had this good friend of mine. One fine day, she decided to abandon our clique and go with another girl who is disliked by many. At that time, I hated the girl because she stole my friend away from me. I kept telling my friend not to be so close to that girl but she decided that I was being mean and annoying, she started to have negative feelings for me and we started to drift apart.

So, I came up with this plan to start a pen-pal thing so that I can write to her and pretend that I'm someone else instead of myself. I told my friend that a good friend of mine wants to have a pen-pal and I'll be the middleman and pass the letter to my friend. But the truth is, there is no such person and I just wanted to know what my friend thought of me.

Thinking back, I got to know a lot about myself from the pen-pal thing. Numerous negative comments about myself, many many things my friend will never tell me personally. I knew I was lying to my friend but I kept going on writing and replying as if I'm another person because I really wanted to know how my friend will tell another person about me.

I really hope that this friend of mine doesn't read my blog because I know this is a really evil thing to do to a friend... but I just didn't have the courage to tell her the truth.
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Tutorial's starting tomorrow and I kept playing I forgot about the swapping of tutorials. I only realised yesterday and it was obviously over.

So I'm gonna be a loner and go for nm tutorial alone for the whole of this sem.

NM readings are so boring I couldn't get past the 4th page. How am I going to participate during tutorial by myself??? ):

Ah Cai may be skipping GEK lecture tomorrow for some engine stuff.. so I'll be a loner for the lecture tomorrow... How sad.

Okayy, what happened to independence???

Alright, I'm having tutorial at 9am tomorrow! Good night people!

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